Hopes and Dreams

Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like without pain.

Everywhere I look, people are hurting, people are stuggling with unspoken fears, hiding in shame, afraid to be known.

I wish it didn’t have to be that way. I wish the world was a safe place.

One of the hardest things I’ve experienced in my life is watching the people I love go through heartbreak.

Friends and family mean so much to me, they are my everything. To see them grieving, to hear them cry, to see them doubt their worth, to see them give up. That’s the worst pain I’ve felt. Fibromyagia and whatever else is small comparatively.

Sometimes I wish I had less empathy. I feel so much, more than I think I ought to at times. Empathy is a good thing, without it, I wouldn’t be much of a friend… but it hurts so bad sometimes.

Life is such a roller coaster. One minute I’m up, and the other I’m down. Sure it’s all worth it in the end. The people I care about make it all worth it for me. Yet I find myself taking everything for granted.

Its easy to feel like life sucks when going through hard times, but I have to remind myself that it will get better. It always has. It just takes time.

That’s a truth I’ve been trying to hold onto in this season of pain. 

Breaking up with my boyfriend was tremendously painful. It’s going to take me a while to recover from that, him as well I’m sure. Then my back started killing me again, finally I’m getting a little relief from that. My fibro is currently in a pretty bad flare up and I just started my period.

So… super intense physical and emotional pain. Not the greatest combo right now.

Sigh.

I’m trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

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