A Journey of Healing

Wow.

Okay guys, I’ve been waiting a while to reveal this truth, because I needed some time to heal on my own.

I broke up with my boyfriend on Friday.

We’d been going out for almost half a year, planning to get married, and deeply in love. He was the first person to ask me out, my first boyfriend, and my first love. We were the perfect couple for a while. We had a mutual belief in God, respectful communication skills, excellent conflict resolving habits, and frequent intellectual debates to get to know each others opinions. We barely ever fought and when we did, we always resolved it by analyzing ourselves and presenting our opinions in a calm and loving manner.

Why did you leave him? You might ask.

Well, I’m not going to go into detail on that, on principle. I simply want to share a testimony of my journey through healing.

Breaking up with my boyfriend was the hardest thing I have ever done. I’ve always had a hard time saying no, presenting my opinion, or taking action to take care of myself. Through much thought, prayer, and tears I realized that I had not been thinking critically about my relationship. I knew that I had to do what was best for me. Which was insanely difficult for me to reconcile, but God helped me overcome my doubts.

The day after I called it off was emotionally devastating. My heart was broken in a million pieces, seemingly unrepairable. I could hardly breathe, I was emotionally crushed in a way I’d never experienced before. I had lost my first love, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the man I thought was my knight in shinning armor. And it was my fault. I knew I made the right decision, but my heart cried in anguish denying the truth.

My brokenness was mostly fear that he wouldn’t heal from this in a healthy way. I was terrified that he’d lose sight of hope.

Yesterday started out as one of the most painful days of my life. I’d missed two days of work due to back pain and was finally able to return. First I was happy to be back, but once I stepped foot on campus, everywhere I looked was a new reminder of him. I left school in the early afternoon, crying as I walked. I was so broken.

In that brokenness, God reminded me of why I made the decision that I did. He showed me that I did the right thing, that I followed Him.

Last night, I went to a worship and prayer night at my church. The songs that were played in the beginning brought tears to my eyes. I was sobbing while trying to worship, unsure if I would ever heal from the pain of breaking up with my boyfriend. As the night went on, I felt God’s presence so strongly. I felt Him comforting me, assuring me that everything will be okay, holding me in His arms.

The worship service was so wonderful; I smiled with genuine joy for the first time in a week. God continues to amaze me. He is providing healing for me that I didn’t think could possibly happen this quick.

 

I just hope he’s okay.

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